Maybe I was just betting on the wrong side of the coin
by Janet-Mufasa
Summary: Toralei isnt pleased with her failure of a relationship with Jackson. All he does is take and never seems to make her feel special. But cats need love just as much asanyone else. Holt treats her better but right now they're only friends. After a slip up one night she begins to see she's starting to want more from Holt. Things she cant get from Jackson. But is he ready for her yet?


I wasn't there to be his naughty little fetish. That wasn't what I'd signed up for. All his cute little nice guy, nerdy quirks, were just surface deep apparently.

I'd dress up for him and lay in his lap like a house cat. I'd talk sweetly to him like a pathetic child, and I'd let him fuck me hard when he couldn't take it anymore. I thought this was love. I can't believe I ever enjoyed it... The sick one sided love affair that I'd played into.

I was the only one that loved him. Who says cats can't be loving? Just because we can take care of ourselves doesn't mean that we don't like to be pampered and cuddled. We aren't just there to turn you on and be your sick furry obsession come to life, with no emotions and with only a purpose to pleasure you.

Fuck that, I have needs. I have feelings, and I deserved to be validated as a person, not just a werecat. Monster or normie, we're all people no matter what, and I wasn't getting that. Not from Jackson.

He was not very experienced, which wasn't his fault, but that didn't excuse his lack of trying. Hell, I did almost all the work because he was too lazy. He kept on comparing me to human girls, and how I was 'better' but his reasoning was less than flattering. I had just had enough.

And then one night, Holt showed up.

Yep, just casually right in the middle something, I was rubbing up against his dick, some people next door began to blast music and I came to a fiery sensation, as Holt appeared by default.

At first I was terrified because it was so sudden and unwanted, but what happened next was what surprised me. He was a little freaked out, but instead of lashing out about 'how gross' it was or telling me to get off him, he just asked me if I was okay.

"I can't control it, when I come out," he said sheepishly, handing me my clothes off the floor, and looking away, "I wish that dork would be more careful!" He hissed, looking away.

It was awkward, and he was really pissed off, but at least he gave me my clothes and went out of the room to let me get dressed. I apologised to him, but he smiled and said to me,

"You don't got to apologise for something that ain't your fault! You just keep safe, now, you got that cool cat?" He winked.

I didn't want to give in to his cheesy, sleazy one liner, so I silently blew him off, but he smiled still and shrugged before putting on his own clothes.

It wasn't really the start of anything, but it was what began everything all at once.

It wasn't the first time he'd interrupted a date between me and jackson. This was admittedly the first time he'd popped up in the middle of sex, but it wasn't that much of a surprise being that his condition was truly hard to avoid in a crammed city like this one.

Before that very moment, whenever he'd shown up, amazingly I have to say, things were actually better. Initially he'd annoy me with his obnoxious antics, but after a while, the more and more boring and sour Jekyll got, the sweeter and more exciting Hyde's surprise visits would get.

Before too long, I started hanging out with him as just friends, and we'd bond over complaining about 'the dork' and our love of good music, and all other sorts of delinquent activities. He would always tell me I deserved better than Jackson. I'd always ask if he was referring to himself, but he'd just snort and say,

"Sure I'm better than him, but I'm sure not good enough for you still!"

I guess I kind of liked him. If the date was going nowhere and I was ready to pay my end of the tab and leave, he'd show up because of the radio, or a passing car and suddenly I would be up for seconds. If I got sick of the peace and quiet and was really wishing I hadn't skipped that one party invite, I'd have an instant excuse to go and do what I wanted to do, instead of SOMEONE ELSE.

I didn't think it would go this far.

After that night, I began to think of him more, and not in just the way I normally did. He was on the inside what I'd hoped jackson would be past all the geek-shield. He was so much better at getting me, and treated me like a lady, but didn't try to justify my beauty or worth by comparing me to human girls.

We had kissed before, when he'd be drunk or something, or for a dare, and he put so much passion and effort into it. I was amazed it had taken this long for me to just mentally scream about how I wanted him to just take me already.

I'd stay up at night listening to his tracks and thinking about how his body looked that time. I'd touch myself to recollection of his toned cerulean skin, embedded in my memory, imprinted in my mind. It might be the same body as jackson, but if he put as much effort into sex as he did with kissing then I was sure as hell ready for that.

It still wasn't enough though.

Prior to that fateful slip up, I'd never had a real genuinely intense orgasm before... not like that one anyway, and the dirtier, primitive side of me was raging inside me. I craved that feeling again.

It was so hot, and warm, and tingly, like that feeling when you sip soda, and it burns your throat but you like it at the same time.

Jackson didn't recall changing into holt that one time, and the curiosity got the better of me. Nothing I tried would replicate that feeling, and so I rigged his room one night, during one of his nasty roleplays, and I set the radio clock with a timer.

It was tricky setting up the roleplay to fit with the five minutes I'd given myself, but when it happened and the clock went off, the tingling heat flushed through me and I meowed deeply from my throat, rising harder and faster despite the person beneath me being different. I knew in my mind it was him under me. Finally. Finally I could have him inside me, for real.

I must have hit a few places because my deep moan was nearly immediately joined by another, more shocked and confused but judging from his shudders, he probably enjoyed it just as much as I did.

It was then I remembered what I'd done exactly and my heart fluctuated for a moment, my cheeks flushing and I stared into confused scarlet eyes.

I got off him and was suddenly shy, cursing myself for being so stupid. I apologised over and over again, fumbling to the sheets to cover myself.

He laid there in shock, and just stared at the ceiling for a long long time. It felt like forever, and I was starting to wonder if he was okay. I asked him and he just sort of looked at me.

"I've never done that before..." He managed to weakly mutter to me. I felt hot chills and I covered my mouth, realising I'd done more than just what I thought I'd done.

I'd always assumed that because Jackson had done it, that Holt had too but I was wrong.

He managed a weak smile and apologised to ME and then dressed himself. I stopped him and confessed, the better part of me coming out like it often did during desperate times.

I told him I had rigged the clock and that I hadn't thought about the repercussions. He gave me a sad, hurt look, and scooted a little further away from me.

I felt terrible inside my heart, seeing him like this. He was so kind to me the first time it'd happened, and now I was sure he was regretting it. I'd used him, even if indirectly.

He didn't lash out at me though, like I thought he would. His legendary temper under a truly sincere amount of control, he simply asked me why.

"I don't know." Was all I could manage, but the more I said it the angrier he got, and by all means he had the right to be. He could have been saving that for someone, and I'd taken it from him.

"I think I just... " I began shortly... "I wanted to see you there instead of HIM." I shivered as I was saying it.

He softened and then looked away. I couldn't read him, and I was still very anxious. He breathed heavily, and then rubbed his face.

He was crying, I saw. "You just wanted ...me?" He asked, gingerly.

I nodded even though he couldn't see me. "Yes." I said.

"Why...?" He asked again, softer and less angry now.

"Because..." I crumpled and thought about all the things that had happened between us over the past few times we'd accidentally shared a date or a kiss. All the things he'd done and said for me.

Things I wanted my boyfriend to do, but he didn't. "I just don't love him." I said.

He looked at me, and his face was unreadable still, "so what? What does that mean for me?" He asked.

I wanted to just say right there and then that I loved HIM instead of jackson but the concept was still so surreal to me, as if I'd just noticed it myself.

"Do you love me? Instead?" He prodded. I looked up at him and then fighting my entire body, I nodded.

"I guess..." I whispered. I hated feeling this vulnerable and useless. Where was the Toralei that didn't care? Where was the Toralei that only needed herself and no one else?

He took my hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm sorry" he said, "I just don't feel that way about you." He muttered awkwardly.

He hugged me and I cried into his shoulder. I just wanted to be loved by someone the way he was a friend to me. Maybe I just wasn't ready for all this. I longed so much for me to just revert back to my old ways.

We didn't speak very much after that, and I broke up with jackson more or less immediately. I'd still see him at parties and sometimes running like a wild animal through the school halls, but it wasn't the same.

But, we cats are resilient, and the pain left me quickly, replacing itself with the usual bitterness and denial. I never forgot him though, and I hope someday I can make it up to him.

Maybe someday if he's ever ready.

XxXxX

*months later*

"Hey." A voice appeared by my ear. I pricked it to the left and listened to see if it was for me.

"Hey, Cool Cat! I know you heard me!" He said again.

I turned and came face to face with a blinding grin, and fiery red eyes that regarded me, almost dare I say, fondly.

"Holt?" I shouted over the music.

He winked and pulled the 'that's me name, don't wear it out' one liner and I rolled my eyes.

"What do YOU want?" I asked, huffing and folding my arms. I was over him. Was he seriously going to do this now? I asked myself this and many other questions...

"No," he said, unfolding my arms and taking a hand to kiss it, "the question is, milady, what do YOU want?" Flashing another grin.

Like the heat of his skin and hair, I melted on the inside, but I kept a straight face. I held his hand back and slyly looked around the room, "Good answer. Let's find out somewhere else?" I cautiously suggested.

XxXxX

The back of my car was reclined back, and Holt was deep inside me, pressing up hard against the spots that made me really meow. His body was radiating a heavenly temperature, and he stroked the fur behind my jawline and pressed his lips to my heart, his free hand sliding down my breast and stopping to press against me and feel the vibrations of my purr.

He ran his thumb in circles around my nipples, and even cared to remember that as a cat there were more than two of them to play with, and i mewed helplessly under his fiery fingers and they burrowed under my fur to discover the sensitive areas.

I clawed his back and gyrated up into his throbbing cock, relishing in that heated tingle I'd craved so much, and he groaned into my neck, shuddering and slowly breaking it down as he came.

He hummed into me, and pulled out slowly. I dropped my legs to rest and he laid his hand back onto my chest, feeling me purr.

We took a while to catch our breath, the music from the CD player in the car providing a strange, ironic silence for us to relax and come back to earth to.

Finally, with a heavy breath, I stroked his flame like hair and asked him, "Why?"

He chuckled and flashed me his classic grin and simply said, "I love you too. I just didn't realise it before. I wasn't ready yet, that's all."

My heart filled, but I refused to let myself get emotional in front of him again. My pride had risen too much in these last months to slip up just yet.

But I let him have a small smile, at least.

I guess it was just a matter of betting on the right side of the coin. Love. Yeah...this time I think I'd gotten it right. Hopefully...


End file.
